Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
