Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I wish you could order shots online.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
