Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
