I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
