Can i not drive my cunt home
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
