I want to make a zoo with you.
Just cropdusted the office
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
