Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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