I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
