Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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