Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
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