yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize