we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
