i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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