no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
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