9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
