I wish I could teleport
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
