My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize