so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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