i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
