You smell like stripper and shame
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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