Moan for me like Helen Keller
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
