Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
