You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
