Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
