I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
