best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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