this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
