I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
