I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
