How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
