every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize