At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
