I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
