I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
