Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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