ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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