dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
