And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
