hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
