Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Text me some of your sweat
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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