OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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