i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
