apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
