is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
