I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
