when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
