dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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