We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
