Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize