My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
