Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
