i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I want to fling myself into the sun
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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