Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
