She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
