My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
