so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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