you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
there is glitter all over my balls
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
