i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
