wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
you had me at cake vodka
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
