Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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