i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
