you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
