508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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