The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
