Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I understand Curling. That high.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
