He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize