I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
