Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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