What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
