having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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