I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
