I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
