Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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